xl.

"To allow the Lord to weave together within me
all of the ill-fated, joyous
and complex threads
of my existence;
that He might create within me
the strength of character needed
in order to become
the woman He purposed me to be"

During my sophomore year in college, my leadership class was asked to write a dictum of what we desire for our lives. This is what i wrote.

I've been reminded this self-derived quote as of late. The more my life twists and turns- the more it fills in its own colors- bold colors painted in strokes of restoration, heartache, embarrassment, love, lust, joy, laughter and the like- i am reminded of these words.

I feel i will be on a continual journey of self-discovery: learning from mistakes; reminding myself of my worth; reaching outwards to understand the value of life and impacting others; learning to be proud of my thoughts, my actions, my feelings, my beliefs- to not be tempted to be a more vague version of myself.

This is truly a merry-go-round, this life. Its subtle (and sometimes drastic) ups and downs keep me spinning- usually around and around the same lessons- over and over, until i truly understand their sentiments; until i truly discover whatever it is i am meant to discover; until i learn to use that discovery for the betterment of myself and of others.

But, even after i have accomplished that seemingly impossible chore, there is always another lesson around the bend- something to learn and grow from. Yet, that is the beauty of life: there is always more.

I am constantly reminding myself not to regret; rather to only allow my mistakes to create a more true version of me for all to witness. I want to allow the Lord to take the disarray of my existence and mend it together- to fashion a beautful quilt of existence- that while i am here (and after i am gone) those who know and love me will be able to look at this creation and remember each portion- and find splendor in it.