xxiv.

duluth

...

this weekend i visited my hometown of duluth. if you know me but at all, you understand that, for me, duluth is a loaded issue. its all around bittersweet. the memories i have are an interesting conglomeration of many of my firsts: rebellion, teen angst, lusts, and spiritual awakening, to name a few. therefore, whenever i venture north (which is a rare occasion) it is inevitable that i will forgo some type of deeply cathartic experience triggering some awakening within myself. 

in that respect, this trip was no different than any other one i have taken before. yet, i am older- and, thankfully, i find myself more evolved as a person- more removed from my previous experiences of duluth- i am able to see with a more clear vision ... with wiser eyes. 

i found myself visiting very specific places in duluth- and for whatever reason- they were deeply personal sites to me- places that i had not experienced in years. i observed these spots with a new perspective. i saw the wear and tear that had taken place over the years of my absence . . . and i realized that these spots (which in my mind seemed so grand- so fantastically powerful that held such life defining moments) were no longer as magnificent as my memory had built them up to be. rather, they were just . . .  places.

i realized that although duluth was where i grew up-where i went to elementary school and high school- where i had my first kiss- where i first stole- where i first drank- where i first prayed- the settings of countless successes and failures- of lies and truths- of friends and of people that turned out to be something all together different- of gut wrenching laughter and of deeply felt tears- duluth no longer defined me. 

i carry those experiences within myself- they decorate the walls of my soul. therefore,  i am greatly connected with the heart of duluth. but,  after this trip i felt more free from duluth than i ever have before. it is a place in time for me. it is a part of someone elses story now- i am only a visitor. 

i could see how for some people this could be quite the devastating realization- but, not for me. it was very freeing. i came to terms with the idea that i am only moving forward in life- i am only progressing towards something greater- towards the next step.

i will always love duluth for being one of those steps in my journey- one of the messiest, one of the most heartbreaking, one of the most unforgiving, one of the most lonely, and one of the most beautiful steps i have ever taken. 

salutations, duluth.