During these last few weeks, I have been reflecting quite a bit about the idea heartache. Not necessarily in a self-reflective state, but more so, I have been in wonderment about the causes, effects and repercussions of heartache within humans in general: what is it? What does it mean? Why is it that we deal with heartache in such diverse ways?
A friend of mine recently experienced a deep heartache- the man she loved cheated on her; another friend of mine experienced a miscarriage within the family; someone else I know suffered the loss of a close friendship; personally, I have dealt with the loss of an entire family unit this last year. Each of these incidences are deeply heart-wrenching, yet they are not extraordinarily unique to the world at large. Everyone has experienced loss; so, why do we feel so alone when we go through heartache?
Heartache is, sadly enough, a universal commonality. All of us, at one point or another, have experienced “heartache”. It is a completely overwhelming state of being. The consequences of this condition vary person to person, so much so that there is the potential to have difficulty relating to someone else’s experience, even if it is quite similar to a loss you have encountered; you cannot sleep, you sleep all the time, you cannot eat, you cannot stop eating, you seclude yourself, you overindulge in any vice you can get your hands on- escapism is the ultimate goal in coping with this mystery of heartache.
The differences in our means of dealing with heartache are staggering- but, why? A common theme in evolution is the way a structure or a system takes on new functions over time. Obviously, we could dissect this concept of heartache in terms of the evolution of humanity and how our basic pain response took on a social dimension in humans; but, that sits too far from me. What I am curious about how each individual’s evolution from childhood, the experiences they have gone through, has shaped their response to pain within their own lives.
From ancient Greece to the Renaissance, a strong tradition held that the heart contained a soul of its own that could perceive the outside world and produce feelings. Philosophers from Aristotle to Thomas Hobbes were convinced that nerves delivered their signals to the heart rather than the brain. With the birth of neurology in the 1600s, the brain came to take a central place in the body and was the site of emotions and perceptions. Meanwhile, the heart was de-souled, transformed into a mechanical pump.
But, I have heard from others, and experienced first hand, that the heart is not separate in our understanding of heartache (obviously I am speaking in metaphorical and not scientific language here). The great minds of ancient philosophers’ were not too far off- many of us have felt the actual physical pain within the left wall of our chest. Is this just a coincidence? Maybe it is; but, maybe it is not- after all, science is looking into the idea of the Broken Heart Syndrome . . .( http://www.scientificblogging.com/cash/the_science_of_the_broken_heart).
Obviously, symptoms vary byindividual and range from withdrawal from society to physical sickness and pain. Why does it hurt so badly? Well, it is simply the fact that we lose part of ourselves when connections are lost; we are missing something that, we thought, defined such a huge part of ourselves, and its not far-fetched to say that you feel completely empty inside. It is an ache that our bodies experience when we long for the comfort of the past- this pain is real. Heartache is a longing for the past- it is the pain of feeling completely empty and abandoned.
"Pain is the way the mind responds to trouble inside the body," says Alex Zautra, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University. "Emotion is the same way. Whether you feel love or sadness is also a response to something you feel outside the body. With pain it is a closer-in response, to something inside the body, but it is a response in an attempt to learn about and motivate recovery."
I believe heartache is real, so very real. In fact, I believe it is one of the most pivotal experiences we as humans go through which, whether we decide to react to heartache in positive or negative ways, is able to develop our personal structure of psyche, morals and worldview. It is not heartache itself which defines us, but rather, what we as individuals decide to take away from it.
I recently told a close friend of mine who has and still is experiencing heartache that we create the life we want; I believe this with all of my broken heart. We will experience heartache- but, I would not necessarily classify this as a negative thing, because it is through heartache that we are allowed to reconstruct our original plans- and, if we allow it, this process of reconstruction will bring freshness into our lives. C.S. Lewis is known for painting the picture of pain, not as a curse at all, but rather, as a gift. I wholeheartedly adhere to this concept.
In writing this, my goal was not to provide a definitive answer to the question of what heartache is; rather, I just wanted to get down on paper some thoughts which have been floating through my mind. But, as I have quasi-worked-through this idea of heartache, I understand that it is our decisions of how to react- how we chose to reconstruct- which are more crucial to our human experience than the devastation of heartache is within itself.
