lxxiii.

I forgot how much I love this song. Fantastically creepy video included.


The Decemberists- Rake Song.

lxxii.

lxxi.

the first half of my day was spent picking apart my life piece by piece, remembering all the joys and sorrows of the last year, and placing the remnants in boxes to be moved. i have five more days at apt #4.

this year has been quite full- in the most lovely of ways. i could never have imagined how fantastic this last year was going to be for me. and now, as i begin to pack up my life and prepare to embark upon another move, sure to bring about many more wonderful experiences, i find myself sitting in silence, inspecting random objects that represent so much of what i have gone through this last year . . . and i feel terribly blessed.

my beautiful roommate, kate, and i have formed a much deeper friendship than i could have ever expected. learning and growing has been the order for both of us this last year; bridging the gaps of the beautiful differences between us, and learning to appreciate each other even more so because of them. kate, i will miss you most of all. and no, this is not the end, but a beginning to a new chapter of our sisterhood. i have been, am now, and will forever be blessed by having you in my life. you are beyond words to me.

i have met so many wonderful people in this last year; friends more sublime than i could have ever chosen for myself. to everyone i whom i have met in this last year, thank you for allowing me to experience the glory that is you. each and every one of you has changed me and i am a better person for it. i am thankful for you all more than i could ever express.

indeed, the joys and the heartaches of this last year have overlapped so much that they are completely melded together within my mind and heart in such a way that i could never entertain the thought of changing a thing.

and here i sit, in the midsts of boxes and empty walls, and i am quite certain that there is no more thankful person in the world right now than i.

lxx.

this is lengthy; however, very worth your time and consideration. let me know your thoughts.

lxix.

the atheism tapes.


i.





ii.





iii.

lxviii.

may the Valentine's Day Festivities begin!

lxvii.

Hold on this will hurt more than anything has before
What it was, what it was, what it was
I've brought this on us more than anyone could ignore
What I've done, what I've done, what I've done

I've worked for so long just to see you mess around
What you've done, what you've done, what you've done
I want back the years that you took when I was young
I was young, I was young, but it's done

Oh take it all away
I don't feel it anymore
Oh take it all away
Oh take it all away
I don't feel it anymore
Oh take it all away

We'll fall just like stars being hung by only string
Everything, everything, here is gone
No map can direct how to ever make it home
We're alone, we're alone, we're alone

Oh take it all away
I don't feel it anymore
Oh take it all away

-William Fitzsimmons

lxvi.

Ani Ani Ani . . .





I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan
of the dial tone again

and I am getting
nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get through...

the old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor
she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last

and both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes

I am writing
graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of
how hard we tried

I am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all

and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow
I am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands

in eachother's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all

and I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and I am getting nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get though

both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of how hard we tried
hard we tried
how hard we tried

-Ani

I search your profile

for a translation

I study the conversation

like a map

'cause I know there is strength

in the differences between us

and I know there is comfort

where we overlap

come here

stand in front of the light

stand still

so I can see your silhouette

I hope

you have got all night

'cause I'm not done looking,

no, I'm not done looking yet

each one of us

wants a piece of the action

you can hear it in what we say

you can see it in what we do

we negotiate with chaos

for some sense of satisfaction

if you won't give it to me

at least give me a better view

come here

stand in front of the light

stand still

so I can see your silhouette

I hope

you have got all night

'cause I'm not done looking

no,

I'm not done looking yet

I build each one of my songs

out of glass

so you can see me inside of them

I suppose

or you could just leave the image of me

in the backround, I guess

and watch your own reflection superimposed

I build each one of my days out of hope

and I give that hope your name

and I don't know you that well

but it don't take much to tell

either you don't have the balls

or you don't feel the same

come here

stand in front of the light

stand still

so I can see your silhouette

I hope

you have got all night

'cause I'm not done looking

no, I'm not done looking yet

I search your profile for a translation

I study the conversation like a map

'cause I know there is strength

in the differences between us

and I know there is comfort

where we overlap

-Ani

think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer
the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but
you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much

two-thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down
the top 20 country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again soon
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say

except fuck you...

i see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you...

-Ms. D