xxxiv.

i love them both.

xxxiii.

my life has changed quite drastically in the last few weeks.

at the forefront of this wind of change are the new relationships within my life: for the first time i have met my father and my three younger brothers. whats more? beyond that, we have a developing relationship which i am thrilled about.

it is a sincerely beautiful adventure that i am going through right now- i feel as though i am outside of myself- sitting peacefully and observing this thing called my life; the blessings within it right now are too numerous to count, and i am full.

there are truly no words i could muster up to express how i am feeling about this situation. but, i keep going back to this passage in Joel. i am reading the context figuratively as i apply it to my current circumstance. . . it is breathtaking- it speaks, with grace, the words i am at a loss for:

Be not afraid, O land; be glad and rejoice. Surely the Lord has done great things.
Be not afraid, O wild animals, for the open pastures are becoming green. The trees are bearing their fruit; the fig-tree and the vine yield their riches.
Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.
The threshing-floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm— my great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.
Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed.

Joel 2:21-27

xxxii.

stunning words from the bountiful pen of Edna St. Vincent Millay: to all of us experiencing change in our lives right now- let us partake of this poem (especially my dear mandy).

. . .



My falcon to my wrist
Returns
From no high air.
I sent her toward the sun that burns
Above this mist;
But she has not been there.

Her talons are not cold; her beak
Is closed upon no wonder;
Her head stinks of its hood, her feathers reek
Of me, that quake at the thunder.

Degraded bird, I give you back your eyes forever, ascend now whither you are tossed;
Forsake this wrist, forsake this rhyme;
Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen; depart, be lost,
But climb.

xxxi.

lauryn hill holds my adoration forever.